Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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