I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
