That's intense
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
