Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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