He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
