I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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