somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
