He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
