my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
