Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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