Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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