I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize