Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im holly from the hills drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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