Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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