dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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