Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
