so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
