just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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