My room smells like vodka and shame
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
