I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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