he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you had me at cake vodka
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
