How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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