you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you told grandpa to call you daddy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
