Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
