whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
