What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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