I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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