On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
