He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
