So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
