he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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