Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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