it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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