Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
