I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is Oprah even human
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
