Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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