it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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