My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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