o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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