yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Randomize
