We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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