Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
