that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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