idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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