hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
