I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
