She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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