You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
