Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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