A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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