Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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