well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
