"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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