And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
