I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
