VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
