We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
