Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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