I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
