jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
