So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love having hate sex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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