I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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