No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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