After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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