he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
