Sorry, I don't speak sober.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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