I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
