She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found a bag of teeth...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
