your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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