i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
