The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
