i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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