The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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